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Chapter One
An Ideal Opportunity
The telephone rings. You lift the receiver. A voice, trembling with
excitement, explains: 'My partner and I have decided to marry. We would
like to fix a date for the wedding. What do we have to do?'
You offer your congratulations, take down some details and arrange
to meet the couple. As you replace the receiver you thank God for the
opportunity of sharing in the couple's joy as they look forward to their
marriage, and you make a silent plea for help! How best might you and
the Church support couples as they prepare for a lifetime of marriage,
not just a wedding day?
Currently around half the marriage ceremonies in this country are held
in Christian churches. The vast majority of the couples who are involved
have little or no real connection with a church. They come with their
own set of needs to be met, with assumptions about the nature of the
local church, and with expectations of what it can and cannot do to
meet those needs. However anyone wanting a church marriage is demonstrating,
if only subliminally, a spiritual dimension to the contract and to their
relationship. They provide the Church with one of its most powerful
pastoral opportunities to serve people in Christ's name - to help them
to prepare for a lifetime together and not only for a wedding day, important
though that is. To take this opportunity is demanding in a world where
time and available energy are at a premium.
Carefully Prepared is an attempt to help those involved with
couples preparing for a lifetime of marriage:
- to take stock of their opportunities to serve couples in Christ's
name.
- to affirm the good things already provided to help all concerned
to share the couple's joy as they look forward to their marriage.
- to develop innovative ways of offering and providing even more support
for couples anticipating marriage.
What is suggested comes from a number of convictions:
- Marriage is a gift from God in creation. It is not only Christians
who marry. What we can do is to share our Christian insights into
marriage with couples who have a variety of religious understandings.
With some we will also have the privilege of exploring what the marriage
of two Christians may involve, including the marriage of two people
who belong to different Christian traditions.
- In our pluralist society, it also means that we shall be called
on sometimes to collaborate across the boundaries of faith and non-faith,
Christianity and other religions, and frequently across the denominational
boundaries with which history has left us. That challenges us to explore
the possibility of setting up joint preparation schemes to serve churches
of different denominations. Such joint actions give an important message
about relationships to those who have little understanding of our
faith.
- Every relationship is different. Good marriage preparation requires
facilitators who will journey alongside couples to enable them to
make the most of this great stage in their lives.
- Marriage preparation is just one part of the wider pastoral ministry
of the Church. Pastoral care embraces the life cycle and includes
work with children and young persons, with single people, with new
parents, with those becoming grandparents, and with those facing retirement
or issues of ageing.
- The aim of marriage preparation is to provide the best possible
preparation for every couple.
- Preparation schemes are there to help couples, and not the other
way round. They are secondary to the needs of couples themselves.
- Those involved in marriage preparation work need to be both visionary
and idealistic while at the same time realistic and practical.
While it is important to assess the needs of couples being prepared
for marriage, it is also essential to be realistic about the resources
available - time, people, skills, published materials. In an ideal world,
we could all do more in every pastoral situation. In the real world
there are various constraints which limit us. Couples too will have
time constraints that must be respected. Clearly it is worthwhile trying
to find ways round the limitations and constraints. We can all rejoice
in what we can, and do, offer couples if we combine vision with realism.
© Churches Together for Families, 2001-2002
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