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Chapter Four

Ways of Working

Those responsible for marriage preparation have three basic options when considering what they will do. The options are:

to start from scratch and devise their own course and materials;
to use some, or all of, courses devised by others while ensuring that they keep within copyright rules if reproducing materials;
to enable those involved to attend a training course that will help them to do either of the above.

Some ideas for ways of working are listed below in alphabetical order.

Books

There are some excellent publications available that can form a way into some sessions. Churches may be able to have a stock of books for reference or choose a book that they might give to a couple when they first arrange a wedding. The book could then form the basis for the course.

Courses

These come in two forms for those involved in marriage preparation: published resources and courses run by others.

A number of complete published courses are available, with videos, leaflets, audio tapes and exercises. Most facilitators find that they want to pick and choose which parts are appropriate to them and the couples with whom they work. Published resources can add variety and alternative approaches to home-grown courses.

Several agencies provide training for people who prepare couples for marriage. What is available varies from place to place and from time to time, but some agencies may provide personnel to train a church or local group. There may be cost implications but an outlay that results in a more confident and skilled team will repay itself very quickly. For more information, consult Who Can Help?

Games and exercises

Most people remember what they do more easily than what they hear or see. It is wise to include participatory ways of learning into marriage preparation courses. Games and exercises that enable couples to practise using skills, e.g. listening, will be useful. Skilled facilitators may helpfully use a range of methods, e.g. role-play, case study, sculpture.

Homework

A course which includes things for couples to do or talk about between sessions, i.e. homework, sometimes encourages them to make the best use of what is provided.

Questionnaires

These can be useful tools in helping individuals to identify feelings, opinions, values and behaviours. They may be used to increase self-awareness, and for couples to share their findings in order to increase their understanding of each other. Questionnaires do need to be carefully formulated with clear objectives for their use in mind.

Talking and listening

To encourage couples to share their feelings, their hopes and fears will be productive at two levels. It will enable the discussion of issues and show that it is possible to talk about feelings. For some people this will be a new experience.

Videos

Extracts from videos, or whole videos, may be used with couples and groups in a preparation session. Some people prefer to give couples a video to watch in their own time - with the opportunity to talk about it at the next meeting.

We were told that it would be necessary for us to attend a marriage course. What a drag! We thought, 'We know we want to get married and are right for each other. We don't want to be preached at by strangers.' Despite this we attended and were both pleasantly surprised. I've learnt a lot about myself and my partner...