Chapter One
Why Should I Read This?
Marriages matter to me
All of us who are involved in marriage preparation know that marriage
is not just about two individuals but the coming together of two whole
families. If the new family being created includes, or will include,
step-parents, stepchildren and all the rest, clearly there are special
issues to be faced. This booklet tries to address some of these in a
simple way, in the hope that it will help you to make the most of your
pastoral opportunities.
But what if ....
.... I do not conduct second marriages?
Are you sure? Stepfamilies are created when a widow or widower remarries
as well as when there has been a divorce. Even first marriages may have
children of one or both partners. Couples in those situations face many
of the challenges referred to later in Step Carefully - read
on!
.... I do not marry people who are divorced?
Some clergy cannot legally do so, and others conscientiously find they
cannot. But we all have a potential pastoral relationship with those
who approach us. Maybe you can provide a service of Prayers and Dedication
after a Civil Marriage. If so, the pastoral opportunities and challenges
remain the same - read on!
.... I do not have time for full-scale marriage preparation?
That is not an unusual cry from many clergy. But if you cannot do
very much yourself, have you considered looking around for those in
your community with whom you could share that task? Marriages present
us with a remarkable opportunity to get close to a family, and show
the relevance of Christian faith to their lives. In families which will
include stepchildren, both the needs and the opportunities may be even
greater. So whether you are doing preparation yourself, or involving
others, check that you and they are sensitive to these issues -
read on!
.... I see my task as simply preparing the couple for the service?
That is an important task. We hope you might consider wider issues:
but if you do not feel willing or able to provide any more comprehensive
preparation, there are still ideas in Step Carefully which
will help you create the kind of liturgy which will meet the real needs
of the new family which is being created - read on!
.... I do not have any 'stepweddings'?
Then it is only a matter of time before this one arrives at your
front door. Recent figures (1991) show that 8% of families with dependent
children contained one or more stepchildren. With rising rates of divorce
and remarriage, that figure is set to rise markedly. You will be better
prepared for the day the situation arises if you have done a bit of
preliminary thinking - read on!
.... I see more of stepfamilies in ordinary pastoral work than at
weddings?
Then your sensitivity to their needs is vitally important. What
is said in Step Carefully could increase your usefulness to
them - read on!
.... I know all about stepfamily issues?
That is wonderful - if it is true. Maybe you should just check that
you have thought through everything we mention in Step Carefully,
just to be sure - read on!
© Churches Together for Families, 2001-2002
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