Chapter Five
The Wedding Day and the Rehearsal
What service?
Perhaps the first question to be asked is what service is going to
be used. Possibilities include the set marriage rite, an adapted marriage
rite or a service of blessing of a civil marriage. The rules vary from
Church to Church as to what is permissible, though it is generally more
acceptable to adapt a blessing of a civil marriage. On the whole it
is easier to add something than to remove or alter what is already there.
However, the declaration of the purposes of marriage may be helpfully
altered to match the specific circumstances of the couple. Similarly,
prayers for the home and family need to be carefully handled, as does
the choice of biblical passages to be used. One reaction of couples
coming for a second marriage is that they do not want to repeat what
they have done before, so they could be encouraged to help create their
own service.
Who will be there?
In addition to the normal members of the wedding party, there will
most likely be children of the bride and/or groom. Bear in mind that
the traditional separation of bride's and groom's families may not be
appropriate. There will probably be a wider variety of relationships
reflected in the guest list, i.e. friends of the couple and of the
children. There may also be friends or relatives from previous marriages
(this might even include an ex-partner).
It is important to discuss with the couple who the immediate family
are and who is not being invited and the implications of this.
How to make everyone feel welcome?
As there will be people from different families, it will be important
to help everyone feel welcome. So the words of introduction to the
service should be carefully chosen.
Who will do what?
Given the complexities of stepweddings, it is important to be clear
about the responsibilities of the wedding party. For example, who will
enter with the bride? How will offspring (children, teenagers, adults)
of previous relationships be involved? Who will be bridesmaids, ushers,
etc.? Who should 'Give away' the bride? Where should people sit? Who
will be present for the signing of the register and witness the signatures?
Who will process in and out - and with whom? Who will be in the photographs
for the album?
How will the previous relationship be acknowledged?
What should be done about rings from a previous relationship? Sometimes
a prayer of confession for past mistakes is included, though the couple
may prefer to do this in an earlier ceremony. Should a prayer of thanksgiving
for past blessings be included (especially if there are children from
a previous relationship or if a previous partner has died)?
The rehearsal
One purpose of the rehearsal is to enable all those taking part to
be clear where they will be and what they will do. The rehearsal for
a stepwedding can be particularly significant in so far as it helps
people visualize the new pattern of relationships into which they are
entering. This becomes apparent as they consider who will (and will
not) be there. Practising entering the church as a member of one family
and friendship pattern and leaving it as a member of a new one reinforces
the change that is taking place.
The reception
This is not the minister's responsibility, though you may be asked
to play a role (e.g. by saying grace). At stepweddings it is important
to think through the involvement of guests - particularly the seating
of close family members.
© Churches Together for Families, 2001-2002
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